Sunday, May 22, 2011

Guest Blogger: ZA Maxfield

Hello, everyone! Thanks for joining me on this lovely Sunday evening as I introduce Z.A. Maxfield, author of All Stirred Up. She's here today with one hilarious dirty joke and some other interesting tidbits about what makes her tick. Enjoy!

What is the best dirty joke you've ever heard?

This is probably not the best, but so far, for forty years or so, it’s been my favorite. I wish I could tell it like my high school boyfriend Richard did, but here goes, I’ll try.

This forty-year-old dentist is afraid of sex because his mother – to protect him from the machinations of evil women who only want one thing-- always told him women had teeth down there.

One day he’s treating an incredibly sexy woman who has a phobia about dentists. He tries to relax her and reassure her, but nothing helps – until he tells her about his horrible fear of women and how he’s gotten over it enough to treat women in his practice by not thinking about their teeth down there. He tells her if he had to actually look down there, he’d use nitrous oxide or any one of the things he uses to help his patients. The woman is amused and a little turned on by the idea of a forty-year-old-virgin, and so they agree to help each other.

They get high on nitrous oxide together, and they each use an earbud to listen to Enya’s Sail Away. He puts on his rubber gloves and she takes off her skirt and panties. When the moment comes, she submits to getting a hypodermic full of Novocain to numb her gums in preparation for a filling and he opens her legs for The Big Reveal!

Shocked, he takes in her smug expression.

"Sheee? She tells him. "Shilly. Theresh no teeth down there."

"I should say not!" He gapes at her, appalled. "Just look at the condition of those GUMS?"

What book that you've written so far is your favorite or the most meaningful?

I my most meaningful story was Jumping Off Places, which is one of my novellas. It can be found in the Because of the Brave anthology I did with Josh Lanyon and Laura Baumbach.


The timing of that, my deadline, was a month after my mother passed away. I was so numb I found myself writing a lot of things I couldn’t have written even a month after that. It was unexpected and raw, emotionally. When I went to edit it a couple of months later it was clear I’d have a tough time.

How did you come up with your pen name?

Z.A. Maxfield is a combination of all my children’s names, Zoe, Alexander, Zachary and Maxfield. I have an absolutely adorable picture of my twins on the soccer field, facing away. Their jerseys say Zachary and Maxfield.

What made you want to become a writer? How do you define a successful writer?

I always wanted to be a writer because words were my first playthings. They’ve always been a favorite. Even when there’s nothing else to do, words are there to enjoy. What’s not to love? My definition of a successful writer is one who goes to bed at night happy with what he’s written for the day.

Where do you find inspiration?

Everywhere. Beware, coffee sippers at Starbuck’s, book browsers at Borders, lovely men carrying bouquets of flowers at Anime Expo. I will pull you into my churning, grinding mill of happily-ever-after and spit you out with an oh-so-stimulating lifelong romance. You are mine… Mueh heh heh…

Do you have a favorite place to write?

I like to write on that little strip of skin at the base of a hot man’s back where it meets his ass but you can only do flash fiction before you run out of room.

Do your stories tend to have a recurring theme? If so, what is it?

Inevitably, I have two themes, family and redemption -- even when I’m trying to write filthy, dirty books. I can’t help myself.

What books and/or writers have inspired you?

I love Joan Didion. She was my favorite writer for a long time, and she never gets old for me. She’s so sharp and tight and raw emotionally. Absolutely dazzling.

Were your stories secret projects or were you able to be open with your family and friends about your writing?

Oh, man. I still remember my kids telling their fifth grade teachers, "You don’t want to EVEN know what my mom writes. But she makes money." Their teacher loved that, and asked about it. I scandalized a lot of people at parent teacher meetings. On the other hand, I didn’t get invited to career day… Their loss!

Do you have any weird writing habits?

Well. If you’ve read The Long Way Home, I have to be totally in the dark and touching myself… snort… Nope. Other than the fact that I like to wear my pjs with a bra, because let’s face it… A lady doesn’t begin the day without support, no. Nothing weird about me at all. Why? Who’s been talking?

What advice would you give to any aspiring writers that might be reading this?

Write like the wind: There has never, ever been a better time to be a writer. You have the internet, you have research and a virtual view of any part of the world that strikes your fancy at the touch of a button.

Write like the wind: Publishing is going ass over teakettle and the sky is the limit as far as getting your niche market work seen. You no longer have to prove yourself to a handful of uber-erudite people in a boardroom somewhere, you can apply directly to your readers,

And most important:

Write like the wind: Amuse yourself, because in the end, that’s all that matters.

Blurb: All Stirred Up

After Brendan and his mother witness a completely random tragedy, his carefully controlled life begins to fall apart. First he starts having nightmares and panic attacks, and then he loses focus in his daily life. His board of directors insists he take a vacation at a so-called “relaxation destination” and to make matters worse, they’ve hired newly minted psychiatrist, Dr. Dirk Melovitch, to accompany him.

Dirk, whose job it is to help Brendan learn to relax, walks into the lobby of Brendan’s hotel wearing a borrowed suit and an attitude that rubs Brendan the wrong way from the moment they meet. They head for the airport and their carefully planned itinerary goes out the window, one small setback at a time.

From the airports of New York and Atlanta, to the long, lonely highways of Texas, to an upscale rehab destination in Santa Fe, Brendan and Dirk each try to gain the upper hand until both find out that it’s not just life that can get a guy All Stirred Up.

Grab your copy of All Stirred Up from Manlove Romance Press today!

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